My Mind Speaks....The Chase

Dating is one of the most critical stages in the process of growing up. I guess it is safe to say that most of us have been asked out at some stage in our lives. Similarly for men, they too have asked someone out at some point in their lifetime. Asking someone out can be awkward at the best of times. You are two total strangers attempting to get to know each other, impress, excite, and have fun in the process. But that is a lot easier said than done, right? Ever wondered whether there is a right way to ask or be asked out on a date?

Ever been ask out by a guy and thought “Nah, this is not it? There’s zero effort here”. Today's discussion will probably expose how fussy I am about “The Approach”; however I believe that finding the right strategy to ask someone out may increase your chances of getting a date. Although I might not be the most experienced person to tackle this topic (My dating experience leaves a lot to be desired); allow me to share my account of what I have seen over the years. I must say, I always admire the confidence men have, to just go ahead and “shoot their shot”. It could never be me. If I like you; rest assured that I will take my secret to my grave.

On this post I am quite interested in what you guys have seen out there. It would be nice to hear from both men and women about their experiences on asking or being asked out on a date. Here are a few I have seen in my lifetime:

The Socials

This involves the use of social media platforms such as WhatsApp, Facebook or Text messages. Looking back into my experiences, this must be the most common way of proposing in my life; with WhatsApp leading the rest of the social media platforms. They usually ask for your numbers from your friends or inbox you to ask for your number under the pretence of needing assistance with something. I have lost count of the number of times I have been asked on a date on WhatsApp. My mind wants to say that it shouldn't matter what platform the message comes from, if you actually like a person, which may be a valid point but I think asking on social media platforms lacks a certain level of authenticity and braveness. It somewhat sends a message that the person is not brave enough to stand for what they are asking. As if they are hiding behind a keyboard and hoping for the best. By no means am I saying asking someone out on WhatsApp is a problem, I just cannot bring myself to take you seriously…

The Direct Line

I find these ones quite interesting, in some weird way a little braver than the socials. These are those who will meet you at a certain place/event and not say a word. Like the guys in the socials, they will get your numbers from your friends and ambush you with a call. The call is usually very direct and straight to the point. As if they first practiced what they are going to say. The true definition of carpe diem: Cease the day-

Caller: Hi, I'm so and so. I got your numbers from your friend so and so…
Me: Oh, Hi, howzit?
Caller: Good, hope you are good too. I saw you at so and so's party/wedding/chillas the other day, I don't know if you remember.
Me: Oh, okay. I’m trying to remember the faces of people I met that day to connect to the voice. (my polite way of saying I don’t remember meeting you)
Caller: Well… (tries to describe who he is)
(Then Booom!! as if he knows my next line will be: what can I do to help?)
Caller: Well I saw you and I thought: I'd like to get to know that person better. So I called to ask if you mind going out with me some time so I can get to know you better!!

At that point it feels like an ambush, I do not know who you are? How you look like? What your interest are? I know nothing. I guess it's up to me to go back and find the person who gave this person my number and do a background check. There is a certain level of annoying to this method because curiosity will always get the better of you. I agree to this date but what he does not know is that I'm agreeing pending feedback from my research. Depending on how that goes; then you might have a chance at a real date. This is low key a blind date. Not really my idea of fun. But ri do ri mini?

The Street Ambush

Every girl has probably been ambushed on the street walking to a shop or at a traffic light driving home by some random person insisting that she talks to them. These are the worst!! These type sometimes then take the form of the other categories. He could later DM you on Facebook or Instagram or give you the direct telephone call. By far the creepiest for a love sceptic like me. See, I have never experienced love at first sight. Love is very slow and gradual for me. I need to be comfortable with you first. There is so much discomfort with the street ambush. They feel stalkerish. It always feels like harassment.  These are very persistent in an annoying way. They feel entitled to talk to you and you talking back. I am sure you can already tell that this is my least favourite of all of them. Do not do this, please. Lol Yet, there are married people who met this way. Mind boggling really!!

The Long Game

This type comprises of meeting through friends or via the socials; then work gradually up the ranks. These are “the shoulder to cry on” that will creep into your relationship. Very friendly, listens to you, you realise you have a lot in common with them until you develop a crush on them but they will make you wait before eventually asking you out. By far my favourite of all of them. These ones perfect the art of pursuing someone. I must mention that there is a delicate balance to be maintained when playing the long game lest you fall into the friendzone. It takes real talent to play the long game. Do not take chances if you do not know your story well. See, the long game requires showing affection by caring about my mind. I cannot stress how much talent is required to be able to pull this off. I mean you want to care about my views but still maintain your own. We see through that agreeing with everything I say or aligning your views to be the same as mine. It never feels real, which leads me to believe this category has its own people. Those trying to break the long game code or how to tell this one is a chancer in the long game: Liking all your posts on social media, having a comment for everything you post. Please note these are the guys from the socials camouflaged. Learn to identify.

Although I don't believe there is a right way to ask someone out because these may vary according to preferences of different individuals, I do think that you need to get a better understanding of what the preference your person of interest is. We do not want you to miss an opportunity with the love of your life because you do not pay attention to detail. Please do share what your experiences have been...

My Mind Speaks….